When Your Life Ends
by Peridot Tears
Summary: Ben has - as promised by Mr. Merriman - joined the army at age eighteen. '...I knew that I was a goner...' His last moments are merely his thoughts of those in his life. Including a certain girl. Not that much FelicityxBen; slight. Oneshot.


**When Your Life Ends**

_**PT: Hello, people :D So, I was on a trip in Canada on Independence Day this year (ironic, I'm American and I spend a my nation's birthday in another country xD) and I was pretty bored in the bus. So, I was thinking about how in Felicity, Ben was supposed to go to war when he turned eighteen. So, I thought, what if he died? Slight FelicityxBen. I don't like to make things TOO romantic. I thought about making this a songfic, with What Hurts The Most. It's fun to make a songfic :) Nyeh, just read the fic. I thought I'd write it today since I'm going to summer school tomorrow X0**_

_Disclaimer: I SAW VALERIE TRIPP ONCE AT A BOOK FEST THINGY!! JULIE ANDREWS WAS THERE TOO! I WAS TOO NERVOUS WHEN VALERIE TRIPP WAS SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!_

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**Felicity Merriman**

_1776 – Williamsburg, Virginia_

Why does Ben's retreating back look so big? So shadowed.

But it's him. And I might not ever see him again.

He's eighteen now. Yesterday was his birthday. It's February, and an unusually warm day at that. Then…why do I feel so—cold?

Ben…

"Good-bye Ben!" I call, waving.

He looks back, and grins that familiar grin of his. Then he waves once, and continues on his way. He's had his wish; he's going to join General George Washington's army. He is going to fight in the war.

I might not ever see him again. It's hard to believe, but he might…just one day…be…gone. Just gone. He might be here today, then gone forever tomorrow. Today might be the last day I can spend with him.

This might be the last time I'll ever see him…see _him_. Really him, not his body. But to actually see him.

He could just _die_…like Grandfather. Be here in this moment of time, gone in another.

I wonder how it's like when your life ends. Do you see red? Do you feel cold, does soft blackness coax for your life—with the promise of no more pain? No more pain, no more of that suffering as you die. Do you easily give in…and let your life come to an end?

Suddenly, the supposedly warm winter air feels even colder.

I cannot hold back a shiver—is it really the coldness that is making me shiver?—and hold myself tight.

Ben…he had better come back.

**Benjamin Davidson**

_1777 – Germantown, Pennsylvania_

My vision is red.

Crimson red, with much blinding brightness. I just wonder…why it had to end like this.

I've gotten my wish; I'm a soldier now. I've survived for a long time—and the British are as bad as I've suspected.

But…but…

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

I was supposed to be triumphant; I was supposed to go home afterwards. Then I'd see Mr. and Mrs. Merriman, Nan, Penny, Patriot, William…Jiggy Nye…even Annabelle…but most of all…Felicity… She was my best friend there. She was truly one of a kind.

That bold, high-spirited girl, so stubborn, so kind. So wise.

And I'll never see her again.

When I saw that flash of silver, that scarlet coated man, I knew I was a goner. When I fell backwards, saw blood flying in the air and realized that it was my own, I knew that I was to see the angels.

When I fell on sticky ground, when crimson blinded me, I knew that my life was to end. When that bayonet slashed my throat, when my knees buckled in pain, I knew that I was leaving. If only, however…I regret not being able to give my best friend a proper goodbye.

I pray, as blackness joins the crimson, that she will…understand… Beg to the Lord to let her know…

Good-bye.

**Felicity**

_1777 – Williamsburg, Virginia_

_**Dear Diary,**_

_**Ben is dead. Such Sadness is mine, such Grief. I have gotten the letter today. Ben has died in Germantown. He was killed by a British soldier, a bayonet to the throat**_.

I close my diary, and lay I aside. Tears smother my vision. I squint, blurry tears falling down my face.

Dead…dead…

He's gone. Like Grandfather. I'll never see him again.

Turning around, I bend my head and let the hot liquid of my eyes fall.

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_**PT: Yup, here we go. Please review.**_


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